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A Can in his Can

A grown man had to be rushed into emergency surgery — after he got a can stuck in his can.

No, this is not sophomoric potty humor: An unidentified 30-year-old male required medical assistance “two hours after inserting a deodorant canister into his rectum,” according to a cringey case study published in the Visual Journal of Emergency Surgery.

The Iranian patient was experiencing “acute abdominal pain” as a result of his heinous anus-pursuit of sexual pleasure via what’s termed “foreign body” or “FB” in the medical community, his attending physicians at the Tehran University of Medical Sciences’ emergency department reported.

Co-study authors Dr. Seyedhossein Seyedhossieni-davarani, Dr. Mahdi Zangi and Dr. Mohammad Eftekhari wrote that, although this is an “uncommon presentation” in any ER, it is most “commonly self-inserted rectally in male youths with erotic attitudes.”

There were initially no associated symptoms such as nausea, vomiting, rectal bleeding or abnormal bowel movements, the co-authors noted. The patient’s vital signs also were normal, and he had no past medical or drug history other than an “uncomplicated previous rectal foreign body insertion.”

However, the Iranian man was reportedly in too much pain for a standard rectal investigation — so the surgeon was forced to use X-rays to find it had traveled into his digestive track.

Surgeons made an incision on his stomach and removed the errant anti-perspirant. The patient spent one day under observation — and met with a psychiatrist — before being discharged from the hospital.

The Clinics in Colon and Rectal Surgery journal reported that rectal foreign bodies have a “storied history as part of anorectal trauma.”

The first documented report on the management of retained rectal foreign bodies dates back to the 16th century, while the first case reports of the modern era were published in 1919.

In the new medical journal study, the trio of ER docs wrote that the most common foreign bodies are sexual devices, followed by glass bottles, foods and vegetables (notably cucumbers) and wooden objects.

One especially bizarre case earlier this month, a man in the Czech Republic died with a pingpong ball up his bum — after electrocuting himself during a self-pleasuring session gone horribly awry.

Meanwhile, experts have long warned that foreign bodies can perforate the bowel, causing fecal matter to seep out into the abdominal wall, causing potentially fatal necrotizing infections.

“Removal of a rectal foreign body may be of high risk and should be done by a surgeon or gastroenterologist skilled in foreign body removal,” advised Dr. Zubair Malik, of the Lewis Katz School of Medicine at Temple University, in his 2023 report on the freaky fetish.

Meanwhile, another notable paraphiliac practice is “urethral sounding,” in which people attempt to stimulate themselves by sticking foreign objects — from double AA batteries and Christmas ornaments to 6 feet of string and six kidney beans — in their urethra.

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